What If It Works? (And Other Dangerous Questions to Ask)
From stuck to curious... when fear whispers "what if," here's what to say back.
Two little words have ruled my thoughts for most of my 40 years:
What if.
The anxiety spiral usually goes something like this:
I really want to xyz. I know it’s possible, because other women are doing it. I’m pretty sure I’m smart enough, or I can at least figure it out. BUT WHAT IF…
The rest of the thought trails off on some tangent that sounds like:
What if I end up looking stupid?
What if I’m not as smart as I think I am?
What if I try and it doesn’t work?
What if I run out of money/energy/time?
What if no one likes me?
What if no one hires me?
What if it’s harder than I thought?
What if I get sick?
What if something bad happens… ?
What if people criticize me?
The “what if” possibilities are endless, but I’m sure you get the point. Maybe you’ve even had these kind of anxiety spirals, too.
They’re exhausting. And sadly, they always end up taking us to the same place: nowhere.
The idea dies.
The dream fades.
The hope gets disappointed.
Doors of opportunity close…
BEFORE WE EVEN TRY.
And here’s the saddest part: We never know what might have been, because we hit the brakes at that first “what if.”
Flipping the Script
At 44, I’m learning a sneaky little thing about those scary “what ifs.”
Are you ready for it? They aren’t facts. They’re fears.
And more times than not, they’re flat out lies.
But, boy oh boy, how do they hold us back if we let them!
So how do we move past the “what ifs,” even if we can’t silence them altogether? (Because so far, I haven’t completely silenced them.)
Today I’m sharing four powerful “what if” phrases that actually turn the tables on those pesky fears.
As I practice asking myself these new “what ifs” every day, I’m finding that the fearful “realities” that have kept me back for years aren’t actually realities.
They’re imagined “ceilings” or limitations in my life—ones that I don’t actually have to live inside.
And you don’t either.
The Four Powerful What-Ifs
The next time you’re feeling stuck or fearful about a desire or dream in your heart, ask yourself:
What if I can…
What if I can get the job?
What if I can help people xyz?
What if I can contribute to my family’s finances in a meaningful way?
What if I can learn to trust again?
What if I can find love?
What if I can travel to______?
The possibilities are endless, but only if you start thinking with curiosity instead of fear.
When our oldest daughter got her first Army duty station in Hawaii, my initial reaction was near panic: Oh my gosh, I’ll NEVER get to visit her! We can’t afford to travel to Hawaii.
That was fear thinking, not fact.
A few weeks later, an email landed in my inbox introducing me to an incredibly affordable flight service that lets our family travel for cheap.
Our daughter and son-in-law are still stationed in Hawaii. I’ve traveled to visit them multiple times—for as little as $320, round trip!
Whatever seems impossible in your life right now, try asking yourself: What if I can?
Practice Prompt: Sit down and write down ten What if I can statements in your journal or on your Notes app. Then come up with ten more.
Read through your list and notice how it makes you feel—hopefully a little more curious and a lot less doubtful.
What if I try…
What if I try going back to school?
What if I try for a baby again?
What if I try reaching out after all these years?
What if I try a new method/idea/way of doing things?
What if I try a new hair cut?
What if I try a new church?
What if I try resting?
What if I try just saying “no”?
I’ve noticed that a lot of times the negative “what ifs” stop me before I even try. So flip that “what if” on its head and ask yourself, What if I try?
When Jeremy and I left our pastorate after two decades of ministry, the thought of trying to find a new (and emotionally safe) church for our family felt completely overwhelming.
A friend invited us to visit her church, a larger faith community pretty much the opposite of the traditional way of worshipping we’d been used to all our lives.
Thankfully, we thought, Why not?
It’s been nearly three years since our first visit, and we’re happily a regular part of a beautiful faith community that’s very different than what we knew before.
The deep and ongoing healing from legalism we’ve experienced probably wouldn’t have happened if we hadn’t been willing to try something new and unfamiliar.
Practice Prompt: Name the ONE thing you’ve been most afraid to try over the years (or most recently).
How does it feel to say it out loud: What if I try…? Scary? Exciting? A little of both. Write down your thoughts.
What if I learn…
One of my biggest fears is looking incompetent. I hate doing new things, simply because I’m worried that I won’t know what I’m doing—and it will show.
So, what if I learn?
(I tell this to one of my kids all the time, but I’m really bad about putting it into practice myself.)
What if I learn how to drive in city traffic? (True story, by the way.)
What if I learn how to write academic papers again? (Another true story.)
What if I learn how to write a killer resume, even without previous job experience? (Yep, true.)
What if I learn how to talk to people?
What if I learn how to do my own taxes?
What if I learn how to set up a website or Etsy shop?
What if I learn to play that instrument?
The possibilities are endless if we’re curious enough to start, even before we’re good at something.
Practice Prompt: Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write as many What if I learn… statements you can come up with. Be 100% honest with yourself and don’t hold back… just dream on paper.
When the timer goes off, read what you wrote out loud. Did you surprise yourself? What would happen if you really did learn even ONE of those things?
What if it works…
There’s a meme I love that reads, “Oh my darling, but what if you fly?”
That question, of course, is a direct response to the often-asked, “But what if I fail?”
This “what if” is another dream-killing potential stopper. What if I try and it doesn’t work?
How many times have you entertained that thought? At least a few, I’d bet. And how many times have you answered back, But what if it works? Not as often? I thought not.
Why? Because we humans are experts at “protecting” ourselves from failure. (Or, so we think.)
The truth is, we’re pretty good at living small unless we start asking ourselves different “what if” questions.
In a 30-second Instagram reel, Mel Robbins pushes this thought even further: “What if it goes even better than planned? What if it’s even easier than you thought? Because, nine times out of ten, it is.”
What if it works… and I publish that book?
What if it works… and I make new friends?
What if it works… and I get the bonus?
What if it works… and I earn the scholarship?
What if it works… and we get out of debt?
What if it works… and our marriage improves?
What if it works… and I love living there?
Practice Prompt: Break out your journal or Notes app again. This time, give yourself freedom to dream on paper and write: one thing you’ve always dreamed of doing, why you haven’t done it yet, and end the statement with and what if it works?
An example for me would be: I want to finish my theology degree, but I’ve put it off for years because it’s expensive and I don’t have a lot of time. But what if I go back to school and it works?
Keep writing until you’ve written at least five or six “what if it works” statements, one for each of these categories: your health, finances, relationships, vocation, hobbies, travel (or other passions).
Truth-Shaped Possibilities
If “what if” statements have thrown up blocks in your life like they have mine, now is the time to turn the statements around.
But don’t take my word for it.
Scripture has a lot to say about the power of our thoughts and beliefs.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” - II Timothy 1:7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
- Phillipians 4:6-7
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...” - Ephesians 3:20
These four powerful “what if” statements—
What if I can?
What if I try?
What if I learn?
What if it works?
—can move you from “stuck” mode into new opportunities, relationships, communities, capacities, and more.
But only if you’re willing to rewrite the questions.
Tell Me
Which “what if” statement really speaks to where you’re at right now?
I’d love to hear your thoughts, so drop a comment below or send me a DM or email.
I’m with you on the journey!
Veritas et gratia,
Kristy 💐