This Time, I Got Up

A story of how God transformed my hesitation into quiet boldness

Have you ever known for sure you were supposed to do something, and you just didn’t do it?

It might have even felt like you couldn’t do it, for reasons you couldn’t name.

That happened to me when I was in my early 20s.

I remember sitting in a hospital lobby in East Texas, and looking across the room to see a woman on a pay phone. She was weeping, and something inside my heart knew I was supposed to get up, walk across the room, and ask if I could help her.

Instead of getting up, I sat frozen in my seat. It was like I could not get up.

Looking back, there were a million reasons why I didn’t get up, but it was mainly fear. It was a disbelief about who I was, what I was called to do, what I was capable of doing.

I remember watching her walk out of that lobby, thinking, I know I was supposed to get up and talk to her.

I’ve thought about this day with regret for many years.

Fast Forward 20-Something Years

I am a hospice chaplain.

A few weeks ago, I was in a facility visiting patients and I saw a woman coming down the hall weeping.

This time, without even stopping to think, I felt myself moving toward her.

I held out my hands toward her and said, “Ma’am, I’m a chaplain. I see that you’re crying, can I help?”

Through her tears, she told me that her sister was dying and asked me to go and pray with her. I walked to the room, met several other sisters, and spent some time praying with and just being with this family.

Honestly, it felt like a normal day in the life of a hospice chaplain.

But later in the day, the memory of younger me in that hospital lobby came to my mind. God gently reminded me of how much I’ve changed.

This time, I wasn’t frozen; thinking; ruminating; self doubting. I just moved forward toward a need, and let God take care of the details.

I can tell you today that living out my calling is so freeing. It is meaningful. And as I pondered this, I had to lift my voice in a prayer of gratitude: Thank you God for changing me!

I’m so grateful He didn’t leave me in that stuck space—that place of fear that kept me from doing what I was created to do for many years.

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Living Bold and Free

This morning in my team devotion, I shared this story along with a Scripture:

My children, let’s not just talk about love. Let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living, truly living in God’s reality. It’s the way to shut down debilitating self criticism… And friends, once that’s taken care of and we’re no longer accusing or condemning ourselves, we’re bold and free before God.

-I John 3:18-21, The Message

These words took on a whole new meaning for me this morning as I thought about where I’ve been, where I’m at, and what I feel like God is calling me to in this season.

This is your Grace Note for today:
You are called to live free and bold before God.
You can silence debilitating self criticism.

Sometime today, look up I John 3:18- 21 in The Message translation, and sit with it for just a bit. If you want to take it a step further, grab your journal and ask yourself:

• Where is God calling you to live more bold and free?

• Are you allowing His grace-full truth to shut down debilitating self-criticism?
  

Hit reply and let me know your thoughts.

Veritas et gratia,
Kristy 💐

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P.S. This post is transcribed from my YouTube post. Watch that video here (and subscribe!)